About 2 weeks ago I went to an endocrinologist. My mom and I decided that if after a month or 2 of Weight Watchers, if I wasn’t losing weight there must be something physically wrong with me. So we sent this doctor some old test results I get about a year ago when my family doctor checked my thyroid and told me it was normal. It turns out that is isn’t normal, and I basically have the thyroid of a 90-year-old woman. My thyroid was like more than 3 times slower than the doctor’s and he is a 50-year-old man. So basically I have hypothyroidism.

So I left his office with a drug that basically will speed up my metabolism, but it takes about 3 weeks minimum to start working. And these past few weeks I have really been struggling. Its gets tiring to work really hard to eat really well and yet not see any results from that hard work. Sure sometimes eating healthy is easy, sometimes when I eat healthy I feel thinner, happier, stronger,  and in control. But, and I don’t really know why, being that  in control is hard to keep up.

For most people there is a little wiggle room in weight loss. That’s why WW has the extra weekly points. Most people can eat over the points allowance by a small margin every day and still lose weight, maybe a little less weight, but a loss nonetheless. For me going over by even 1 or 2 points everyday basically guarantees I will gain somewhere between .5 and 1 pound.

This week I went over by 5 or 6 points many days (and more 2 days) and gained 3 or 4 pounds. I wish I could say that I am taking it all in stride, people always tell me how impressed they are with my attitude towards weight loss. But I can’t lie and say that I am not seriously frustrated by the lack of control I have over my body, and even more so by the fact that in the past few weeks I have not taken control of the small part that I do have. I let myself go a little. I think it was the knowledge that I have hypothyroidism and that when the drug starts to work I will be able to lose weight like a normal person. And so I loosened the reins, not drastically, just to the place where I imagine most people trying to lose weight hold them. The only problem is that I am not most people yet, I’m still the 17-year-old with a 90-year-old metabolism. And so I have gained consistently the past few weeks, and they are numbers that are not easy to see on the scale. To think about the fact that in October I was 151 and today I am 170, makes me so angry and frustrated. There are days when I just want to give up, eat everything I want and then just crawl into be and pretend that nothing exists, just hide from my problems. I know that is far from the answer to my problems, but unfortunately I also know the answer is not easy to put into practice.

What makes this all even harder to me is that JDD is this Friday. I got my dress back from the seamstress yesterday, and it was tight. Not unwearably tight, it just didn’t have that fits-me-like-a-glove feeling I hoped it would have after getting it altered. It fit me perfectly just 3 weeks ago, but I have gained 5 or 6 pounds since then, if not more. It still looks gorgeous and as long as I don’t gain anymore this week it will be fine for the big day. But still… it’s not a happy feeling.

So all I can do this week is tighten the reins again. Sure I know I can’t keep them tight forever, but I have to so everything I can this week so my dress can be as comfortable as possible and I can enjoy JDD, and not think about my weight.

I have felt very out of control the past few weeks, in addition to my weight gain, the AP tests are coming up very fast and I don’t feel particularly ready for them. Yet I still haven’t studied, and I wish I had a good reason why, but it’s really just avoidance. Also I need to find a job for the summer/senior year, but the idea of just going around, asking the places I have in mind if they need someone, and giving them some silly little resume with no actual work experience on it makes me really uncomfortable. Like so many other things in my life right now, I am avoiding taking any action.

I know the response to all of these issues, I have to get out of my comfort zone, it’s the only way I will grow, and I have to just stop thinking about everything and just do it. But that is all much easier said than done…

I’m sorry this blog was basically just one be whining session. I hope next time I blog I will have better, happier things to talk about.

I hope everyone is enjoying their Spring (thank goodness it’s finally here!) and if you celebrate Easter I hope its great!

❤ ❤ Elli

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Ahhh!!! I know, I know I basically disappeared for the month of March, it was a busy month for me and while I wanted to log I just couldn’t find the time to really sit down and write anything for you guys…

So what’s new?

Well I wouldn’t have called March a particularly exciting month for me some things have definitely changed. First, I got my braces off!!! I am so glad to be rid of those things. On the downside now I have to wear my retainer which is probably even more annoying than braces and I’m not sure it fits right, which means I have to trek all the way back to my orthodontist this week to make sure it does.

In other news I am still on Weight Watchers with little success. I am tracking everything I eat, working out (cardio and strength) and going to meetings yet I have gained almost every week! I’m not going to lie and say that it hasn’t been seriously frustrating at times. On one hand I am used to trying really hard to be “good” and not seeing results, on the other hand its Weight Watchers! I should be losing weight with them if I do everything right! I do feel like I am getting great support there regardless though, the leader and all the other people there are so friendly and encouraging.

To maybe try to understand why I am struggling to so much I have an appointment in a few weeks with an endocrinologist. I’m not getting my hopes up, but it would be nice in many ways if there was something medically wrong with me that explains why it is so hard for me. It would mean a definitive answer and solution.

I don’t have any new food to show you guys but here are some old meals of mine!

Mediterranean Beef Stew from Weight Watchers.

Salmon with dill sauce and sautéed spinach and tomatoes also from WW.

Fish has become a pretty regular meal here, its quick, yummy, healthy, and not chicken 😛

Eggplant Lasagna, this is God’s food I swear! This is what I want to have for my last meal if I get to choose… I cannot adequately express how deep and passionate me love to this lasagna is.

Chicken with fennel, pine nuts, and raisins, this would have been really amazing but despite being cooked for-ev-er the chicken wasn’t cooked enough which is just ewwy.

With green beans and cauliflower puree, I loooove cauliflower puree! probably even more than regular mashed potatoes…

I promise I will get back in the habit of photographing my meals so I can share them with you guys, we have been cooking a lot more lately so I have a lot to share!

In the non-food/weight-loss world things have been improving also. This winter was pretty bad for me, my mood was pretty generally low, but in the last month or two I have been improving. I don’t really know what changed but the days just feel a little easier again. Also (and this probably has helped my mood) there’s this guy…

Yup a guy. His name is Jordan, we have been friends for a while, and I’m not really sure when I realized that I liked him. He is quite smart, and I think that has to do with it. I may not be a genius or anything but I am relatively smart and it’s nice to talk to someone who is on my level and maybe even smarter than I am. He challenges me and I think I like that. I alway’s kind of thought he felt the same way but I was never sure, until recently. Lately we have been texting a lot and we have hung out a few times. The biggest proof was that he asked me to JDD or Junior Dinner Dance (aka Junior Prom). I obviously wanted to go with him, but he doesn’t normally go to school dances and I thought I would have to drop hints left and right to find out if he was going. But he surprised me and asked me totally unexpectedly without any provocation! I have never had a boyfriend or even the possibility of a boyfriend before so this is fun for me… 🙂

JDD is April 29th and I promise I will post pictures!!

I hope that everyone is having a great spring!! It’s supposed to be warm here this week!!!

xoxo

E ❤

Hellooo!!

My mom and I went to the Weight Watchers meeting last Monday, and we really liked it. The leader, Kathleen, had great energy as did the group, which was quite big! I really liked Kathleen, she lost 80 pounds and has kept it off for 6 years so far so I feel like she will be not only a great leader but a great resource! I weighed in at 166, but as it was 5:30 at night, I had just worked out and drunk a ton of water, and I was fully dressed that number didn’t bother me much.

I really found that I could still eat plenty and feel satisfied (which I wasn’t too concerned about honestly) but since WW has this new set up I get 29 points a day so I really just had to cut my portions a little bit. Plus I get extra points for working out which I do pretty much every day so I have anywhere from 3 to 11 extra points depending on if I do yoga or strength or kickboxing.

As it often is I knew I felt good but I had no idea if I lost weight. But I weighed myself yesterday morning as always and I was 158… which means I lost 2 pounds!!! Thank god!!! I won’t be totally happy until I see 150 but the scale is going in the right direction again so I am very pleased.

There were 2 meals worth mentioning this week…

First this beautiful work of art my mom and I made last week

Eggplant Lasagna, with homemade meat sauce (made with ground turkey). WE didn’t really have a recipe for this baby we just roasted some eggplant and then made a basic lasagna. And let me tell you it was TO DIE FOR!! And 1/6 was only 9 points! On the side we had roasted brussels sprouts which are only 1 point because of the oil and were also delish!

The second meal was another Cooking Light chicken recipe (don’t worry I got a new issue so there will be less chicken and more variety soon, this last issue was all about using chicken :P)

This time it was Tandoori Spiced Chicken (it might just look like yellow chicken but it tasted like sunshine! :P)

with my mom’s famous (at least to me) roasted cauliflower.

It’s just cauliflower roasted in a little bit of oil and some other stuff  (what I don’t know) but it tastes so yummy, like only something you mom makes can!

Today we made more of the lasagna and after WW we will have that (how can you not have fresh out of the oven lasagna!) I know I could show you what we had for dinner last night from CL (I lied  you’ll have to suffer through read about one more chicken recipe) but I’ll save it for next blog so I have something to talk about 😛

I hope that everyone had a great weekend and President’s day if you live in the US. I ❤ random holidays I get off from school for!

Peace!

Elli 🙂

I really wanted the Nutritionista’s plan for me to work, but I gave it 2 weeks and I have gained almost 4 pounds in those 2 weeks. And while there are many parts of her plan that I do agree with and that I will keep around I am off to try new things!

What are those new things? Weight Watchers. My mom has done WW many times and lost about 110 pounds with them. she has gained a bunch if it back, but since she is a lifetime member she is going to come with me at least sometimes.

I am going to keep a lot of what I’ve learned from the Nutritionista and use it with WW. For example, I have learned that my life is a lot easier if I just avoid carbs that don’t come from fruits and veggies. I also know that I feel much more satisfied if I eat fat.

So using WW as a guideline to keep below a certain amount of calories I am going to keep eating lower carb (but I am bringing my beloved fruit back!!) and higher in fat. Also still not “diet” foods. If I want a cheese stick I am going to have a real cheese stick, is it more points? yeah. But I know it will satisfy me way more than fake “diet” cheese. Another change is my dessert. I used to have a chocolate Vitamuffin for dessert. I really liked it, but I always craved more food after it. Lately I have been having “ice cream” for dessert. 

A mix of frozen raspberries, cream cheese, sour cream, and some chocolate. I mix it all up and leave it in the freezer for a few hours and it is about as close to ice cream as I can get without buying an ice cream machine. And even better when I finish it I don’t crave more I just feel satisfied. On WW I will probably replace the cream cheese with low-fat cottage cheese, but I will keep the sour cream for the fat, which I really believe makes all the difference.

Some other things I ate in the past few weeks that I am going to keep in some shape or form are:

My breakfast: omelette with spinach and cheese with chicken sausage (excuse the Winnie the Pooh plate :P). But on WW I will use a mix of whole eggs and egg whites, less cheese, and turkey bacon rather than sausage. Also fruit!!

My morning snack: Heather Eat’s Almond Butter’s Kermit muffins

My lunch: salad with cheese and turkey and a cheese stick. But I’ll use less cheese in the salad.

Afternoon snack: chicken salad with spinach

But now with a mix of mayo and 0% greek yogurt and red pepper instead of dried cranberries.

Some of my dinners: like snack plates which are super fast and easy

This one has tuna salad, cheese with prosciutto, a hard-boiled egg, avocado, carrots, red pepper, and cheese.

These can really be as WW friendly as I want depending on what I use.

So I am really keeping a lot the same just modifying it. I really think that If I do WW right there should be no reason why I shouldn’t lose weight.

I weighed myself this morning and I gained almost 2 pounds, which brought me to 160.5. Which sucked to see. Since just a few months ago I was 151. But as sad as I am to have gained so much it only motivates me more. I am registering at WW on Monday night and I am going to do everything I can to see 159 a week from now.

So that’s the status of my weight loss… how about another delicious Sunday dinner!!

Chicken with Mushroom Sauce from CL as always (I ❤ that mag!!) This is definitely one of my absolute favs! It was super easy and soooooo delicious I can’t even describe it! We had some frozen veggies from Trader Joe’s on the side.

I hope that everyone has a very happy Valentine’s Day and a great week!

<3<3<3<3 Elli 🙂