Just have to get it out

About 2 weeks ago I went to an endocrinologist. My mom and I decided that if after a month or 2 of Weight Watchers, if I wasn’t losing weight there must be something physically wrong with me. So we sent this doctor some old test results I get about a year ago when my family doctor checked my thyroid and told me it was normal. It turns out that is isn’t normal, and I basically have the thyroid of a 90-year-old woman. My thyroid was like more than 3 times slower than the doctor’s and he is a 50-year-old man. So basically I have hypothyroidism.

So I left his office with a drug that basically will speed up my metabolism, but it takes about 3 weeks minimum to start working. And these past few weeks I have really been struggling. Its gets tiring to work really hard to eat really well and yet not see any results from that hard work. Sure sometimes eating healthy is easy, sometimes when I eat healthy I feel thinner, happier, stronger,  and in control. But, and I don’t really know why, being that  in control is hard to keep up.

For most people there is a little wiggle room in weight loss. That’s why WW has the extra weekly points. Most people can eat over the points allowance by a small margin every day and still lose weight, maybe a little less weight, but a loss nonetheless. For me going over by even 1 or 2 points everyday basically guarantees I will gain somewhere between .5 and 1 pound.

This week I went over by 5 or 6 points many days (and more 2 days) and gained 3 or 4 pounds. I wish I could say that I am taking it all in stride, people always tell me how impressed they are with my attitude towards weight loss. But I can’t lie and say that I am not seriously frustrated by the lack of control I have over my body, and even more so by the fact that in the past few weeks I have not taken control of the small part that I do have. I let myself go a little. I think it was the knowledge that I have hypothyroidism and that when the drug starts to work I will be able to lose weight like a normal person. And so I loosened the reins, not drastically, just to the place where I imagine most people trying to lose weight hold them. The only problem is that I am not most people yet, I’m still the 17-year-old with a 90-year-old metabolism. And so I have gained consistently the past few weeks, and they are numbers that are not easy to see on the scale. To think about the fact that in October I was 151 and today I am 170, makes me so angry and frustrated. There are days when I just want to give up, eat everything I want and then just crawl into be and pretend that nothing exists, just hide from my problems. I know that is far from the answer to my problems, but unfortunately I also know the answer is not easy to put into practice.

What makes this all even harder to me is that JDD is this Friday. I got my dress back from the seamstress yesterday, and it was tight. Not unwearably tight, it just didn’t have that fits-me-like-a-glove feeling I hoped it would have after getting it altered. It fit me perfectly just 3 weeks ago, but I have gained 5 or 6 pounds since then, if not more. It still looks gorgeous and as long as I don’t gain anymore this week it will be fine for the big day. But still… it’s not a happy feeling.

So all I can do this week is tighten the reins again. Sure I know I can’t keep them tight forever, but I have to so everything I can this week so my dress can be as comfortable as possible and I can enjoy JDD, and not think about my weight.

I have felt very out of control the past few weeks, in addition to my weight gain, the AP tests are coming up very fast and I don’t feel particularly ready for them. Yet I still haven’t studied, and I wish I had a good reason why, but it’s really just avoidance. Also I need to find a job for the summer/senior year, but the idea of just going around, asking the places I have in mind if they need someone, and giving them some silly little resume with no actual work experience on it makes me really uncomfortable. Like so many other things in my life right now, I am avoiding taking any action.

I know the response to all of these issues, I have to get out of my comfort zone, it’s the only way I will grow, and I have to just stop thinking about everything and just do it. But that is all much easier said than done…

I’m sorry this blog was basically just one be whining session. I hope next time I blog I will have better, happier things to talk about.

I hope everyone is enjoying their Spring (thank goodness it’s finally here!) and if you celebrate Easter I hope its great!

<3 <3 Elli

 

It’s Spring!!

Ahhh!!! I know, I know I basically disappeared for the month of March, it was a busy month for me and while I wanted to log I just couldn’t find the time to really sit down and write anything for you guys…

So what’s new?

Well I wouldn’t have called March a particularly exciting month for me some things have definitely changed. First, I got my braces off!!! I am so glad to be rid of those things. On the downside now I have to wear my retainer which is probably even more annoying than braces and I’m not sure it fits right, which means I have to trek all the way back to my orthodontist this week to make sure it does.

In other news I am still on Weight Watchers with little success. I am tracking everything I eat, working out (cardio and strength) and going to meetings yet I have gained almost every week! I’m not going to lie and say that it hasn’t been seriously frustrating at times. On one hand I am used to trying really hard to be “good” and not seeing results, on the other hand its Weight Watchers! I should be losing weight with them if I do everything right! I do feel like I am getting great support there regardless though, the leader and all the other people there are so friendly and encouraging.

To maybe try to understand why I am struggling to so much I have an appointment in a few weeks with an endocrinologist. I’m not getting my hopes up, but it would be nice in many ways if there was something medically wrong with me that explains why it is so hard for me. It would mean a definitive answer and solution.

I don’t have any new food to show you guys but here are some old meals of mine!

Mediterranean Beef Stew from Weight Watchers.

Salmon with dill sauce and sautéed spinach and tomatoes also from WW.

Fish has become a pretty regular meal here, its quick, yummy, healthy, and not chicken

Eggplant Lasagna, this is God’s food I swear! This is what I want to have for my last meal if I get to choose… I cannot adequately express how deep and passionate me love to this lasagna is.

Chicken with fennel, pine nuts, and raisins, this would have been really amazing but despite being cooked for-ev-er the chicken wasn’t cooked enough which is just ewwy.

With green beans and cauliflower puree, I loooove cauliflower puree! probably even more than regular mashed potatoes…

I promise I will get back in the habit of photographing my meals so I can share them with you guys, we have been cooking a lot more lately so I have a lot to share!

In the non-food/weight-loss world things have been improving also. This winter was pretty bad for me, my mood was pretty generally low, but in the last month or two I have been improving. I don’t really know what changed but the days just feel a little easier again. Also (and this probably has helped my mood) there’s this guy…

Yup a guy. His name is Jordan, we have been friends for a while, and I’m not really sure when I realized that I liked him. He is quite smart, and I think that has to do with it. I may not be a genius or anything but I am relatively smart and it’s nice to talk to someone who is on my level and maybe even smarter than I am. He challenges me and I think I like that. I alway’s kind of thought he felt the same way but I was never sure, until recently. Lately we have been texting a lot and we have hung out a few times. The biggest proof was that he asked me to JDD or Junior Dinner Dance (aka Junior Prom). I obviously wanted to go with him, but he doesn’t normally go to school dances and I thought I would have to drop hints left and right to find out if he was going. But he surprised me and asked me totally unexpectedly without any provocation! I have never had a boyfriend or even the possibility of a boyfriend before so this is fun for me…

JDD is April 29th and I promise I will post pictures!!

I hope that everyone is having a great spring!! It’s supposed to be warm here this week!!!

xoxo

E <3

 

Success!!

Hellooo!!

My mom and I went to the Weight Watchers meeting last Monday, and we really liked it. The leader, Kathleen, had great energy as did the group, which was quite big! I really liked Kathleen, she lost 80 pounds and has kept it off for 6 years so far so I feel like she will be not only a great leader but a great resource! I weighed in at 166, but as it was 5:30 at night, I had just worked out and drunk a ton of water, and I was fully dressed that number didn’t bother me much.

I really found that I could still eat plenty and feel satisfied (which I wasn’t too concerned about honestly) but since WW has this new set up I get 29 points a day so I really just had to cut my portions a little bit. Plus I get extra points for working out which I do pretty much every day so I have anywhere from 3 to 11 extra points depending on if I do yoga or strength or kickboxing.

As it often is I knew I felt good but I had no idea if I lost weight. But I weighed myself yesterday morning as always and I was 158… which means I lost 2 pounds!!! Thank god!!! I won’t be totally happy until I see 150 but the scale is going in the right direction again so I am very pleased.

There were 2 meals worth mentioning this week…

First this beautiful work of art my mom and I made last week

Eggplant Lasagna, with homemade meat sauce (made with ground turkey). WE didn’t really have a recipe for this baby we just roasted some eggplant and then made a basic lasagna. And let me tell you it was TO DIE FOR!! And 1/6 was only 9 points! On the side we had roasted brussels sprouts which are only 1 point because of the oil and were also delish!

The second meal was another Cooking Light chicken recipe (don’t worry I got a new issue so there will be less chicken and more variety soon, this last issue was all about using chicken )

This time it was Tandoori Spiced Chicken (it might just look like yellow chicken but it tasted like sunshine! )

with my mom’s famous (at least to me) roasted cauliflower.

It’s just cauliflower roasted in a little bit of oil and some other stuff  (what I don’t know) but it tastes so yummy, like only something you mom makes can!

Today we made more of the lasagna and after WW we will have that (how can you not have fresh out of the oven lasagna!) I know I could show you what we had for dinner last night from CL (I lied  you’ll have to suffer through read about one more chicken recipe) but I’ll save it for next blog so I have something to talk about

I hope that everyone had a great weekend and President’s day if you live in the US. I <3 random holidays I get off from school for!

Peace!

Elli

 

Reality Check

I really wanted the Nutritionista’s plan for me to work, but I gave it 2 weeks and I have gained almost 4 pounds in those 2 weeks. And while there are many parts of her plan that I do agree with and that I will keep around I am off to try new things!

What are those new things? Weight Watchers. My mom has done WW many times and lost about 110 pounds with them. she has gained a bunch if it back, but since she is a lifetime member she is going to come with me at least sometimes.

I am going to keep a lot of what I’ve learned from the Nutritionista and use it with WW. For example, I have learned that my life is a lot easier if I just avoid carbs that don’t come from fruits and veggies. I also know that I feel much more satisfied if I eat fat.

So using WW as a guideline to keep below a certain amount of calories I am going to keep eating lower carb (but I am bringing my beloved fruit back!!) and higher in fat. Also still not “diet” foods. If I want a cheese stick I am going to have a real cheese stick, is it more points? yeah. But I know it will satisfy me way more than fake “diet” cheese. Another change is my dessert. I used to have a chocolate Vitamuffin for dessert. I really liked it, but I always craved more food after it. Lately I have been having “ice cream” for dessert. 

A mix of frozen raspberries, cream cheese, sour cream, and some chocolate. I mix it all up and leave it in the freezer for a few hours and it is about as close to ice cream as I can get without buying an ice cream machine. And even better when I finish it I don’t crave more I just feel satisfied. On WW I will probably replace the cream cheese with low-fat cottage cheese, but I will keep the sour cream for the fat, which I really believe makes all the difference.

Some other things I ate in the past few weeks that I am going to keep in some shape or form are:

My breakfast: omelette with spinach and cheese with chicken sausage (excuse the Winnie the Pooh plate ). But on WW I will use a mix of whole eggs and egg whites, less cheese, and turkey bacon rather than sausage. Also fruit!!

My morning snack: Heather Eat’s Almond Butter’s Kermit muffins

My lunch: salad with cheese and turkey and a cheese stick. But I’ll use less cheese in the salad.

Afternoon snack: chicken salad with spinach

But now with a mix of mayo and 0% greek yogurt and red pepper instead of dried cranberries.

Some of my dinners: like snack plates which are super fast and easy

This one has tuna salad, cheese with prosciutto, a hard-boiled egg, avocado, carrots, red pepper, and cheese.

These can really be as WW friendly as I want depending on what I use.

So I am really keeping a lot the same just modifying it. I really think that If I do WW right there should be no reason why I shouldn’t lose weight.

I weighed myself this morning and I gained almost 2 pounds, which brought me to 160.5. Which sucked to see. Since just a few months ago I was 151. But as sad as I am to have gained so much it only motivates me more. I am registering at WW on Monday night and I am going to do everything I can to see 159 a week from now.

So that’s the status of my weight loss… how about another delicious Sunday dinner!!

Chicken with Mushroom Sauce from CL as always (I <3 that mag!!) This is definitely one of my absolute favs! It was super easy and soooooo delicious I can’t even describe it! We had some frozen veggies from Trader Joe’s on the side.

I hope that everyone has a very happy Valentine’s Day and a great week!

<3<3<3<3 Elli

 

A Whole New World

Hellooo!!!

So in my travels through the interwebs I have come across many a nutrition/health blog as you can see from the list of blogs I love you can find here on my blog. Well in one of theses internet adventures I came across Leah a.k.a. YourNutritionista. I couldn’t help but notice that she did consulting and that intrigued me considering I have been epically failing struggling to lose weight (I should mention now that I gained another pound and a little extra last week… yeah I’m 157 and it SUCKS!!!). Instead of paying and rather large sum for months of help (which I may still do ) I got a one time 40 min consult with her over the phone. So where I am going with this?

Well Leah’s suggestions/ideas/perspective on how I should eat and workout to lose these last #$%$#@ 15s pounds were interesting but DIFFERENT (and that’s even a bit of an understatement). To show you what I mean here are the guidelines she sent me to follow:

- Every meal and snack should focus on protein and fat.

-Grains, starches, fruit, and sugar should be treated like condiments. Really watch your fruit intake!

-Try to eliminate as many processed carbs from your diet as you can, including Vitamuffins, soy milk, diet snack bars, and cereal.

-No “light,” “100-calorie,” or “diet” foods. Real food only!

-Don’t fear the fat –- It WON’T make you fat.

-Don’t worry about portions or calories. Instead, be more concerned with watching processed carb/sugar intake.

-Swap out cardio in favor of strength. Too much cardio can work against you. Try circuit workouts that alternate 1-2 minutes of cardio and then strength.

-Get pre-cooked proteins (chicken sausage, canned tuna or salmon, etc.) so you can easily build meals.

-Consider Snack Plates (2 fats, 2 proteins, 2 veggies, and 1 fruit) for lunch or dinner .

-For dinners, try finding recipes for high-protein/fat casseroles instead of soups for more variety.

(I should probably say now that I am not saying that this is the only way to lose weight or be healthy and that I think there are lots of healthy ways to eat so if you don’t agree with any of her suggestions that’s fine you don’t have to, but how you live is for you to decide and how I live is for me to decide )

So notice anything about that list?? How about that it is like the opposite of basically everything I used to do!!!! Yeah I’m not going to lie at first the idea of not caring about calories really freaked me out. But I told myself I would give it 2 weeks to see what happened. My mom has a friend who has lost a lot of weight eating low-carb and a lot of the things that Leah explained to me over the phone made a lot of sense. Plus I figured that worst case is that I gain weight which I am doing anyway so what did I have to lose?

So yeah my breakfast went from oatmeal with pumpkin and like 3 different fruits to an omelette (with 3 whole eggs :0) with cheese and spinach and either turkey bacon or chicken breakfast sausage and half a piece of fruit (apple or pear normally). Filling? hell yes!! Low-calorie?? Are you kidding?

Lunch is still salad but with way more turkey, cheese, and more oil and a cheese stick or something on the side.

My afternoon snack is a low carb wrap with chicken salad inside and maybe some cottage cheese with the other half of breakfast’s fruit. And let me tell you I am not hungry again until dinner. My extra snacking has almost disappeared!

Dinner has been a few snack plates (which are crazy huge and crazy good!) For example: 1/2 an apple or pear with some PB, tuna salad, carrots, red pepper, cheese, and dip made of sour cream and sweet and hot mustard. Also for dinner we made a casserole with chicken and pork sausage and cabbage you top it with the same sour cream and mustard I used as a dip above (this stuff is so amazing I don’t understand why any other dip even exists!) we’ll have some kale with it because while it tastes like angels singing its a little lacking in color (try yellow with some brown )

I also only went kickboxing 2 times this week (can you imagine?!?) Instead I did some circuit style strength workouts using 2 routines from glamour (1 & 2) I’ll do 5 minutes of cardio (high knees, jumping jacks, running up and down my stairs, etc.) to warm up, the 3 strength moves, then 30 seconds of cardio, then repeat the 1st 3 moves, then another 30 seconds of cardio, then I repeat that process with more sets of 3 moves for about 45 mins. Let me tell you people I have been sore from this!! Its pretty awesome!

So we’ll see how the weigh-in tomorrow goes. I’m sad to say that my jeans have still been a little tight but I’m not giving up yet. No matter what I weigh tomorrow morning I will stick with this for at least another week, and then I’ll decide if I want to stick with it (and maybe pay for 3 months or her consulting which would be really awesome if it works!) or try something else (my mom and I were considering Weight Watchers).

Ok so I know that this post has been a little light on the pictures (I will try to take some pictures of the things I have been eating with this new “plan” if I remember) so to add some color to this post lets talk about last Sunday’s dinner.

We made another CL recipe, this time it was Bacon and Goat Cheese Stuffed Chicken. And yes it tasted just as creamy, rich, and awesome as it sounds.

With it we had some roasted potatoes and broccoli rabe  which to be honest we failed at cooking it was over cooked and bitter… but at least there was some green on the plate.

 

That red stuff on the chicken is just roasted red pepper pureed with raw garlic and olive oil. This stuff is really yummy, and seriously is good with anything. Next time we are going to roast the garlic with the pepper.

Alright I have to face the music and get back to doing my #$%#$ homework… I hope the your February is going well!!

Au Revoir!!

Elli

 

Hello weekend, nice to see you again!

Ahhh the weekend! It seems so much more important and exciting during the school year! this weekend has not been all that exciting but I have enjoyed it just the same.

Friday I had a volleyball game that ended around 6:30 so I wasn’t home until almost 7. Phew! Talk about a long day!

Dinner that night was some super comforting oatmeal with strawberries

Just what a girl needs after a 12 hour day!

Saturday I got up bright and early and went to kickboxing form 8:30 to 9:30. I have never gone to this class because I didn’t think I could go and still go to the barn. I gave it a shot yesterday though and it worked out great! I’m so glad it did because that means I can start going to that class which will be really nice for 2 reasons

1) I love kickboxing and would rather go there than to the gym, although I have to keep up my running because I have a 10K in november!

2) It’s really nice to get my workout done by 9:30. It makes the day seem much more open to other things than when I go to the gym around 11 or 12.

Some people may be able to just have a small snack before they workout in the morning but I need real fuel in order to workout! Saturday that fuel was cereal and toast.

nom nom nom

Those funny little blueish things on there are freeze- dried blueberries! I found them at Trader Joe’s the other day and they are my new topping obsession! They taste just like blueberries but they are super crispy! Plus the whole bag is 120 calories!!!

After kickboxing, shower, and an hour out at the barn I was seriously ready for lunch in a big way.

I had a Green Monster in a bowl topped with granola and my new blueberries

It wasn’t quite sweet enough so I had fun drawing random shapes in  it with the honey…

hehe... maybe I'm a nerd but I'm ok with that

I also had some grapes which were really good in the green monster… and some toast which I have no picture of

Who knew grapes could be so gorgeous!

After that I did some major history reading and made it through half the chapter! Yeah I’m pretty awesome I know ;P

After all that reading I need a snack, although lunch had kept me pretty freakin’ full!

Bran muffin from TJs with cottage cheese and pumpkin butter!

I was so tired by dinner I totally forgot to take pictures but I had a veggie wrap and some “Black” Bean soup.

This morning I got up and weighed myself and I lost 1.2 pounds! I have now lost a pound or more the last 2 weeks in a row which is pretty darn good for me! I always lose the most weight during volleyball season because I am so much more busy the days we have games and I eat less also.

That’s all I got for y’all right now! I just finished history (hallelujah!) so I’m just hanging out trying to enjoy the last of this sunday…

xoxo

E

 

The Final Countdown!

What?! It can’t possibly be my last full week of summer!! But sadly it is. My wonderful, life changing summer is coming to a close. Will it go out with a bang? Sort of…

I’m running a 5M race on Labor Day in Ocean City at the beautiful New Jersey Shore. And then what? probably Bio or english essay… not so much a bang but ya gotta do whatcha gotta do!

This weekend was a weekend of Mom-daughter time!

Late summer veggie soup was made compliments of How To Cook Everything by Mark Bittman

Corn, zucchini, tomatoes, beans, red pepper, and basil! with a little parmesan of course!

Sunday we took a little trip into good ol’ Philly to see a special exhibit on Cleopatra at the Franklin Institute.

KNOWLEDGE!!!

Then we chilled at Logan Square in the 90 degree heat and watched the little kids play in the fountain.

And of course there was food involved! We had a gift card to Triumph Brewery and not ones to pass up a free meal we headed on over!

I normally avoid bars at all costs because I feel like a total poser but Triumph is a super nice place and despite being a Brewery it is also kid-friendly so I didn’t feel too awkward…

Ok kinda blurry but you get the idea! Bad lighting is my excuse!

I had a mixed Greens salad with cherries, pecans, and some other stuff with grilled chicken. I went the healthy route! It was yummy but it could have been way bigger.

blurry!

Madre on the other hand went all out and got a burger with grilled onions which she said tasted like the burgers she had as a kid. So basically she loved it. And I we both enjoyed her fries.

Can you say saturated fat?

On to today…

Breakfast was classic cereal deliciousness.

and some suber-sweet n’ juicy  local honeydew.

Lunch was beyond filling! 4 hours later I am still not hungry!

Huge Green Monster SIAB: it came out to 3 full bowls!

Flatout wrap with cottage cheese, cinnamon and sugar, raisins, and blueberries

The frenimies situation with food has been improving since last we spoke, but it is far from the BFFs we once were. I am going to this woman who works at University of Pennsylvania who is studying weight loss and stuff (I’m actually not entire;y sure what she does) on Thursday so hopefully she can help us out! Food and I need some serious relationship counseling!

This week I gained a pound as testament to that. Oh well just gotta roll with the punches for now…

Tomorrow is the first scrimmage for volleyball so it will be a busier day for moi as I am the manager! I can’t guarantee a post but I will do my very best!

Now I am off to eat! I may not be hungry yet, but I need my fuel for kickboxing tonight!

xoxo

E

 

A weekend of self discovery!?

Sorry for not blogging all weekend. This has been a very interesting weekend. *this might get a little wordy so bear with me and there will be plenty of pictures later*

Friday night I was feeling really bad. Not sick but sad and frustrated and lonely.

I have been going to the same barn on Saturdays for over 10 years and the people there are practically my family. When I came back from Colorado I had discovered a lot about myself, who I want to be, weight loss, etc. I tried to explain this to them, they mean so much to me it was only natural to want to share what I learned with them the  same way I did with my mom. But as I was explaining to them how I learned that I don’t feel the need to change the world or write novels (which we have sort of jokingly talked about) but that I just want to help a few people and be happy, I was met with blank eyes. The kind of eyes that say “I can’t relate at all to what you are saying to me but I am going to smile and pretend that I do so I won’t hurt your feelings.” It hurt, not that they didn’t understand that’s not their fault, but that these people who mean so much to me can’t understand this huge and really important thing that happened to me and they can’t relate to the things I learned from it.

In Colorado I discovered this part of myself that really wanted to be more spiritual. I think that it was always there but it just became louder out there. When I say spiritual I don’t mean like going to church on Sunday kind of spiritual (although I have nothing at all against going to church or mosque, or temple) I mean Eat, Pray, Love kind of spiritual. This isn’t the kind of thing most 16 year olds are faced with so I had no idea what to do with this desire to meditate and learn more about the spiritual side of myself.

So there I was 11:00 pm Friday night on the couch with my mom bawling my eyes out. I felt really lonely and bored with my life. I missed backpacking where every day had meaning and I grew as a person. I know that I can’t have that everyday but I wanted to have it sometimes. Then mom mentioned that there is a Buddhist Sangha that met in an Unitarian Church about 20 minutes from my house. At first I thought, “I can’t be a Buddhist” but the idea of being able to really meditate and learn how to do it right with people who were also interested in meditation really stuck in my mind.

Fast forward to Sunday at 7:00 at night. There I was sitting in the basement of this church with a bunch of mis-matched people from all walks of life meditating and reading the Noble Eightfold Path.

It was a new experience and I really know almost nothing about Buddhism but I loved it and should you be in that church next Sunday at 7 you’d probably see me. I don’t know how it will fit into my life when school starts but if I find that it is really something that matters to me I know I can make it work.

So I know that was quite wordy so let’s get onto the food!

Rather than explain everything I’ve eaten since Friday I will simply show you…

Friday

Saturday

My very first Vegan Overnight Oats! With pumpkin, cinnamon, crasins, raisins, and almond butter!

Elementary school lunch! PB&J, sugar snap peas (with nutritional yeast), and applesauce.

Veggies, tomato sauce, and polenta (its hiding under the veggies)

Sunday

My Sunday Tradition: made with white flour and all! Protein powder is the only remotely healthy thing about these beauties!

Today

Bio :/

Mmmm my favorite standby lunch

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Oh! By the way, I know I haven’t been updating on my weigh-ins lately what with trips and stuff, but I lost .8 pounds this week. Not to bad. I think I have been gaining major muscle but I am trying to lower my calories a little bit so I can get back into the routine of consistently losing weight!

E

 

What I Have Learned So far about Losing Weight and Being Happy

Before I get to the meat of this post I will tell you guys that I “gained” 2.2 pounds this week. Although I ate a TON on vacation and didn’t weigh myself when I got back, but I could easily have gained 3 or 4 pounds on vacation in which case I really lost weight this week! At least that’s how I’m choosing to look at it. No onto the real point of this blog…

I use a website called Sparkteens, which is partly a social networking site for teens who are trying to lose weight, gain weight, or just be healthier. I have a blog on there and I posted a version of this post on there. But I thought that it was a post that might be relevant on here too. So keep in mind that a lot of the eating stuff in here might not be relevant to those of you who have taught me to eat this way. ( thanks by the way)
*Just FYI this blog is going to be a little deep, but I think some of what I will say needs to be said, and I need to say it so that I can look back and remind myself.

Although I have not been doing this blog for very long I have learned a lot about being healthy and happy through this blog and trough the fantastic blogs of others. (From here on this is exactly what I posted on Sparkteens so keep that in mind when you think “well actually I do that already” or whatever you might think.)

Some of what I have learned isn’t relevant to most of you guys because we all eat in different ways and for some of you the idea of eating a mostly vegan diet would never work but for me it has made me feel happier and healthier than ever before despite the fact that the number on the scale hasn’t changed.

However, there are somethings that I have learned that are relevant to everyone weather you are trying to lose weight, gain weight, or neither. The best example of this I can give right now comes from one of the blogs I read called Oh She Glows (http://ohsheglows.com/). In her last post Angela talked about a quote from the book Eat Pray Love, which I haven’t read but after reading this quote I plan to. Hear is the quote:

“It was in a bathtub back in New York, reading Italian words aloud from a dictionary, that I first started mending my soul. My life had gone to bits and I was so unrecognizable to myself that I probably couldn’t have picked me out from a police line-up. But I felt a glimmer of happiness when I started studying Italian, and when you sense a faint potentiality for happiness after such dark times you must grab onto the ankles of that happiness and not let go until it drags you face-first out of the dirt- this is not selfishness, but obligation. You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.
I came to Italy pinched and thin. I did not know yet what I deserved. I still maybe don’t know fully what I deserve. But I do know that I have collected myself of late- through the enjoyment of harmless pleasures- into somebody more intact. The easiest, most fundamentally human way to say it is that I have put on weight. I exist more now than I did four months ago. I will leave Italy noticeably bigger than when I arrived here. And I will leave with the hope and the expansion of one person- the magnification of one life- is indeed an act of worth in this world. Even if that life, just this one time, happens to be nobody’s but my own.”

I really liked this quote and I thought that some of it was really important. At the end of her post Angela asked a few questions to her readers.

“Do you have any ‘glimmers of hope’ in your life right now? Have you ever experienced any small pleasurable activity that got you though a difficult time, like the blog did for me? Are there things in your life that you could do to create these small bits of happiness in your day?”

Here is my answer to some of those questions:

For me my “glimmers of happiness” are cooking and exercising. They may not be all that original but they make me happy. When I’m in the kitchen and I make something I cam totally from my head not a recipe. In the kitchen you follow your own rules, if you don’t lie cilantro you just leave it out, if you think some lemon juice would brighten up your dish you put it in. Its your dish, you kitchen, you stomach, and your tongue and that’s all that matters. And I love making something and then seeing the happiness it brings my mom (my only tester) when she eats it and cannot stop telling me how good it is!

Exercise is different but the same in many ways too. Its not always as joyful as cooking. Sometimes I’m hot, or tired, or I just feel lazy, but the fact that I normally still get myself up and go for my run or go to kickboxing despite how I am feeling makes me proud. And there is nothing like the feeling of an amazing workout. The kind that wipes away all the stress of whatever else happened that day or whatever could happen. When you feel like you could fly because your body feel powerful and strong. That feeling is definitely a feeling that nothing can replace. Or when you finish a particularly hard workout and are amazed at hoe much farther you pushed yourself than you even thought possible. Exercise has taught me so much about my body and myself and the confidence it has brought me is irreplaceable, and makes me so happy.

I think its really important that everyone do things that they love. Life is short and spending any of it miserable by choice seems wrong to me. So I have a few questions of my own for you guys.

Do you have things in your life that make you happy? Does whatever “diet” or “plan” you are “on” make you happy and bring joy to your life? Or do you dread working out and only do it because it burns calories? Do you love the food you eat and look forward to it? Does most of what you eat make you feel energized and healthy? Or do you eat what you what you eat because it is low in calories, while craving things you have decided you “can’t have?”

I really encourage anyone who has read this far into this post to think about the answers to those questions. And BE HONEST with yourself.

What motivates you do lose weight? Is is just so that you can look like the models in Seventeen magazine or wear a bikini? Or is it because you want to feel good about yourself and your body, like really bone deep good? It’s really easy to say well duh I want to feel good about my body and I’ll feel good when I can wear a bikini. But I can tell you that there is a difference!

I feel so good about my body right now, and I still would not wear a bikini. Sure when I look in the mirror I wish my stomach were flatter etc. but I also love my body and I am constantly impressed with how strong and powerful it is! I eat healthy and am trying to lose weight because I love my body not so that I can love my body. I want the way I feel on the inside to be reflected on the outside.

My weight loss journey so far has taught me so much about myself and about how to be healthy and happy. I am not proud that I once was 186 pounds and ate tons of carbs and fat and almost not veggies. Or that I never exercised. But I am grateful that it happened to me because losing the weight has made me a better person. I am stronger both mentally and physically than I ever have been before. I am going backpacking in Colorado for 12 days soon. I will have to carry all my clothes, food, and whatever else I need on my back. 2 years ago I would never have done something like that! I would not have been physically capable and I would not have had the confidence to believe I could!

I hope that one day all of you guys reach the same realizations I have come to. I can tell you that I am still learning more about my self everyday, and this is far from the end of my weight loss journey! You have to learn these things for your own though and I encourage all of you guys to stick with it! One of my favorite quotes is “Nothing worth having comes easily.” I cannot tell you guys how true that is and I am a living example of that.

If you actually read this whole blog thanks for reading this through and I hope this helps you in some way no matter how big or small.

Ok so there you go! That basically sums up this HUGE realization I came upon today! I promise a regular old post will also happen today but I needed to put this out there

Elli

 

A Trip to Princeton and a 30 pound celebration!

Hello Everyone!

Happy Belated 4th of July to everyone from the USA!!

For those of you who don’t know, my official weigh-in day is Sunday. I weigh myself right after I get up so that I don’t eat or drink anything before. Also for any who don’t know, I have been stuck between 161 and 156 (25 and 30 pounds lost) for about 7 or 8 months. Yeah it’s been beyond frustrating! Well yesterday I got up and weighed myself like I do every Sunday. I have been eating well and working out really hard as you can probably see, but after so many good weeks with bad weigh-ins I wasn’t expecting much. I lost 2.4 pounds! Whoohoo! I normally lose about .5 to 1 pound a week but in the last 3 weeks I have lost over 2 pounds twice! And I was 156.6!!!! I HAVE OFFICIALLY LOST 30 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been waiting 7 months to see that number and I honestly couldn’t even believe it when I saw it, I still don’t think it has really hit me. I am so happy!

In other news, yesterday my mom and I took a trip up to Princeton, NJ (home of the Ivy League University) to go hiking with this girl who is a member of a group of girls I will be going backpacking in Colorado with at the end of July. We are the only girls going who are not from Colorado so we thought we should meet since it just so happened we only lived about an hour apart. We went for a gorgeous hike in the woods outside of Princeton, although it was over 90 degrees even in the shade I still had fun!

We passed by this yucky little green pond with the funniest “No Swimming” sign I have ever seen

Why anyone would even want to swim in there is beyond me! Other than heat stroke the only danger came from some geese who thought we were a little to close to their babies for our own good. They didn’t attack but they were hissing at us!

After our run in with the geese My new friend Lissy (short for Elisabeth), our moms, and I went into Princeton for some lunch. We went to Panera Bread where I had the Strawberry and Poppyseed chicken salad which was only 280 calories and so delicious! It had strawberries, pineapple, blueberries, oranges, and pecans! ( I forgot my camera back in the car so this is not y picture, this is the link from where I got the picture: http://cookingwithkate.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/cimg5792.jpg just making sure I don’t credit for it)

After the salad we got some amazing artisan ice cream, I had vanilla and dark chocolate sorbet it was soooo good. Certainly not low calorie but I didn’t feel guilty I had decided that I was celebrating my 30 pound loss!

After lunch our little group split up and my mom and I walked around Princeton’s campus together. The campus is so beautiful, and very Ivy League.

With some pretty cool study spots!

After some major walking we came upon this really cool frozen yogurt place (grrr I can’t remember its name). It had tons of flavors of frozen yogurt that were all made from fat-freee yogurt that was really low calorie! You got to pick as many flavors you wanted ( I had plain tart and yucca whichI had never heard of but it was really good, and purple ) then they had tons of toppings to choose from including fresh fruit! I had blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, pineapple, kiwi, cookie dough, brownie bits, mini reese’s peanut butter cups, and crushed Oreo cookie.

I only had a small amount of the unhealthy stuff but I figured how often to I get to have that stuff in my yogurt? Never! So why not right?

It was so delicious! I wish there was a place like that near my house it was such great healthy treat!

I love little day trips like that with my mom! We can get along really well if we are both in a good mood, and Princeton is such a nice town, even in 95 degree heat! It was a great way to spend the 4th, normally we are camping on the 4th but we couldn’t get our camping spot until later this year.

Speaking of camping… I leave tomorrow! I will try to post if I can but I highly doubt I will be able to post until I get back I’ll have a huge post when I gat back though with pictures of Milwaukee, Beloit, and our campsite with all the amazing and plentiful food!! I will miss you guys!

Hope you are all enjoying your summer! Anyone have any super cool plans?

Elli