Sorry for not blogging all weekend. This has been a very interesting weekend. *this might get a little wordy so bear with me and there will be plenty of pictures later*
Friday night I was feeling really bad. Not sick but sad and frustrated and lonely.
I have been going to the same barn on Saturdays for over 10 years and the people there are practically my family. When I came back from Colorado I had discovered a lot about myself, who I want to be, weight loss, etc. I tried to explain this to them, they mean so much to me it was only natural to want to share what I learned with them the same way I did with my mom. But as I was explaining to them how I learned that I don’t feel the need to change the world or write novels (which we have sort of jokingly talked about) but that I just want to help a few people and be happy, I was met with blank eyes. The kind of eyes that say “I can’t relate at all to what you are saying to me but I am going to smile and pretend that I do so I won’t hurt your feelings.” It hurt, not that they didn’t understand that’s not their fault, but that these people who mean so much to me can’t understand this huge and really important thing that happened to me and they can’t relate to the things I learned from it.
In Colorado I discovered this part of myself that really wanted to be more spiritual. I think that it was always there but it just became louder out there. When I say spiritual I don’t mean like going to church on Sunday kind of spiritual (although I have nothing at all against going to church or mosque, or temple) I mean Eat, Pray, Love kind of spiritual. This isn’t the kind of thing most 16 year olds are faced with so I had no idea what to do with this desire to meditate and learn more about the spiritual side of myself.
So there I was 11:00 pm Friday night on the couch with my mom bawling my eyes out. I felt really lonely and bored with my life. I missed backpacking where every day had meaning and I grew as a person. I know that I can’t have that everyday but I wanted to have it sometimes. Then mom mentioned that there is a Buddhist Sangha that met in an Unitarian Church about 20 minutes from my house. At first I thought, “I can’t be a Buddhist” but the idea of being able to really meditate and learn how to do it right with people who were also interested in meditation really stuck in my mind.
Fast forward to Sunday at 7:00 at night. There I was sitting in the basement of this church with a bunch of mis-matched people from all walks of life meditating and reading the Noble Eightfold Path.
It was a new experience and I really know almost nothing about Buddhism but I loved it and should you be in that church next Sunday at 7 you’d probably see me. I don’t know how it will fit into my life when school starts but if I find that it is really something that matters to me I know I can make it work.
So I know that was quite wordy so let’s get onto the food!
Rather than explain everything I’ve eaten since Friday I will simply show you…
Hope everyone had a great weekend!
Oh! By the way, I know I haven’t been updating on my weigh-ins lately what with trips and stuff, but I lost .8 pounds this week. Not to bad. I think I have been gaining major muscle but I am trying to lower my calories a little bit so I can get back into the routine of consistently losing weight!